NARAL grandmother Karen Cooper, worried about the abortion rights of her grandchildren, takes to the op-ed page to give her
take on a familiar refrain: there's no
possible way, in
today's world, that anyone can seriously think people might be abstinent until marriage. So we need "comprehensive" sex ed (like the
Planned Parenthood kind?), birth control (including abortion, presumably, since birth control tends to fail), and emergency contraception (which can also be an abortifacient). Here's her argument:
The abstinence-only-until-marriage model that anti-choice leaders advocate is actually a call to return to the 1950s when women married at 18 to 20 years old. This is not a model for the 21st century, when half of the students in law school and medical school are women.
As a proponent of the abstinence-only-until-marriage model, I must correct Cooper's assessment of what it "actually" means. It doesn't have anything to do with the 1950s; it has to do with an understanding of what the ideal context for sexual relationships is, in terms of physical, emotional, psychological, and even
spiritual health. Sex is the most intimate relation a man and a woman can have, a total gift of self to another. It can be taken casually, abused, or reduced to a mere impersonal physical action in actual practice, but this often has negative consequences emotionally, relationally, and physically (this can be true even if sex is taken seriously, but still outside marriage). And it can, by its nature as the human reproductive act, also result in children -- new life. Ideally, a proper understanding of and respect for others as human beings -- and for potential life that can be created -- suggests that sex should be reserved for marriage, where a couple has committed themselves to each other for life and so have created the best context for full openness between them and for any children that may be born. It's certainly possible to have sex outside of marriage -- the vast majority of people do, of course, in our society. But they haven't done it without consequences -- epidemic STD rates, a 33% out-of-wedlock childbirth rate, 1 million abortions per year, and inability to form solid relationships as evidenced by a high divorce rate. What's the best way to get away from all of this? Save sex for marriage. It may not have been the case in America since the 1950s, but that doesn't mean we need to return to the 1950s -- the model could work just fine today,
if we taught children the true value and meaning of sex, and valued abstinence until marriage as a society.
I find it interesting Cooper focuses on law and medical students as an example here of those who are wanting (apparently) both to have sex and not to have children. If these students (still a very small percentage of all women) were to become pregnant -- as does happen in spite of all that comprehensive sex education NARAL advocates and these educated women undoubtedly know about -- surely they would be in the best position of all women to be able to take care of a child? Abortion is "needed" least for these.
In 1953, the average age of first marriage for women was 20; by 2003 the average age of first marriage for women had risen to 25. In 1970, 42 percent of first-time brides were teenagers; by 1990 just 17 percent of first-time brides were teenagers. Most of us consider this progress; we recognize that women are marrying later because they are completing college and often graduate school first. We also understand that better-educated women (like men) are far less likely to live in poverty.
Do any of us really think that young people will remain totally abstinent until their mid to late 20s when they finish college or graduate school? Of course not. The abstinence-only-until-marriage model that anti-choice leaders and politicians advocate doesn't make sense in today's world where the average age of first marriage is 25.
"Of course not." The implicit statement here is that not only do most people not remain abstinent until marriage, but it would be
absurd to want otherwise, since not having sex whenever you feel you want to is practically unnatural. Now, I'm not saying it's not difficult, sometimes, to remain committed to waiting until marriage. It's true people do have strong desires and it is different now that people are waiting longer to get married, often for the good reason that they are pursuing educations. But it's not absurd to want to help reshape a society where young people do remain abstinent until marriage, even though it's a bit later in life -- because again, sex isn't just an impersonal, consequence-free physical action:
We like to believe that birth control means that we can totally separate sex from procreation, but a few million of those dreaded "unintended pregnancies" per year belies that myth. The truth is, unless a woman is prepared for the possibility of pregnancy, she simply shouldn't have sex; if she wants to have sex (for any reason, serious or casual) she shouldn't be unduly surprised if a pregnancy occurs. Put aside all the physical and emotional effects of sex as well -- we need to stop telling teenagers, and pretending as adults, that sex can be completely separated from pregnancy. Abstinence education helps stress that because procreation is one natural outcome of sex, sex should be reserved until the time when any children born could be best taken care of. Most often, that time is marriage. In the meantime, the thing about abstinence is, it's 100% effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy. If Ms. Cooper really wants to
prevent unintended pregnancies, she should worry less about abortion, and more about what works.